Vanessa Paradis in Depp’s Shadow…also still very ugly.

Here it is, folks…the post wherein I actually capture what may well be the proof we need of Horseface Pencil Bitch Vanessa Paradis actually being the missing link in the evolution chain. Sort of like God decided to create the skeleton first, with enormous chiclet teeth, as a prototype prior to actually adding muscle, curves, attractiveness, any hint of gender beyond sequins or long hair…that sort of thing. Here it is…please, remove the children from the room before viewing this image. It’s enough that it will give the likes of us adults nightmares for weeks…..I mean to say, can you imagine sleeping away in your bed on the second floor, only to hear a tap tapping at your window. You creep out of bed, and draw back the curtain, thinking logically that it must be a stray tree branch creating the noise. Instead, you find this floating outside…

And to make it all worse, she's actually fucking standing in Johnny Depp's shadow...talk about perfection meets putrification!! My eyes, my eyes!!

And to make it all worse, she's actually fucking standing in Johnny Depp's shadow...talk about perfection meets putrification!! My eyes, my eyes!!

 

I’ve also just noticed how unusually long and ostrich like it’s neck is. Do you suppose God opted to fix that because this thing looks like a bobble head, or does its head actually droop onto its shoulder when its not in public? I’m really very concerned for Johnny’s health here, meeting this thing in a dark hall at night, its head slick against its bony shoulder like sharp angle. Do you suppose it hisses at him when its angry? Is he only staying with it out of fear it will eat the children if he attempts to leave? Its enormous teeth must wake him at night…poor thing!! Rolling over innocently only to find your head enveloped by your pet prototype’s (which, by the way, God promised he wouldn’t leave in your backyard and then did anyways because He’s got a sadistic sense of humor like that…) teeth? Then having to inch his gorgeous head out of its mouth bit by bit to avoiding waking it, and being hit by it’s enormous almond shaped lazer eyeballs.

I think someone really should alert the authorities about this. Or, at the very least, inform the National Geographic.

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~ by double2dee on March 30, 2009.

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