Vanessa Paradis (Horseface) is TOO Good for Johnny Depp’s Engagement Ring

Vanessa Vagina with HUGE Crooked Teeth face Paradis has returned the engagement ring her long time boyfriend Johnny Depp bought for her. Apparently, Vanessa Vagina with TEETH Face Paradis didn’t believe Johnny Depp’s ring was good enough to distract people from looking at her horrid face to grace her skeletal finger.

Johnny got Vanessa a drop-dead gorgeous engagement band but she returned it to the jeweller. She wants her ring to be absolutely perfect.” said a source close to the couple. Well…yes, that’s exactly the way you act when someone as gorgeous and seemingly sensitively sweet as Depp buys you an engagement ring. You certainly DO NOT jump into his arms, kiss him passionately, and thank the fucking GODS he actually seems to want your disgusting facially challenged bony ass…Nooooooooooo. That’s no way for a Vagina with Teeth Face girl to behave.

How the FUCK did FUZZY Haired UGLY Bitch Teeth Eat Face Girl get her hands on the most Beautiful man in the Universe?? And how can I make her disappear without being charged???

How the FUCK did FUZZY Haired UGLY Bitch Teeth Eat Face Girl get her hands on the most Beautiful man in the Universe?? And how can I make her disappear without being charged???

What you really do is look critically at the ring Johnny Depp Whose still mine, Skeletor!! spent hours picking out for you, and go “Eh…I’m not loving this Johnny. So, I’m going to return the ring you spent 50K on, and get myself one that costs 400K instead, okay?” Because THAT’S not going to hurt his feelings AT ALL!!

Regarding the above photographic evidence of Vagina with Teeth Face Paradis and Johnny Depp, one has to fight the urge to throw up and then break into tears at the injustice in the world a sense of rising bile confusion. How one earth did Johnny Depp see this feral faced Vagina with Ears across the room and go “Hey, you know what? I have always wanted to marry a woman with a face like a Vagina with crooked, horrid taking over her Crotch-face teeth. Yeah…that’s the vagina face for me, man. Let’s get it on!”

And clearly, he didn't fall in love with her "breasts" either, because apparently she's had them surgically removed....

And clearly, he didn't fall in love with her "breasts" either, because apparently she's had them surgically removed....

 

Okay, so, regarding the photographic evidence that her teeth, at some point in her life, consumed both of her breasts, we now know Johnny Depp didn’t fall in love with her body, either. And, we’ve eliminated the possibility of Johnny falling in love with her face, unless he really does have some vagina face with HUGE teeth fetish we don’t know about. Now, we can also apparently firmly eliminate “falling in love with her gorgeous breasts” from the list of possibilities as well.

Given her insistence on returning the ring he lovingly picked out for her, we can also draw a line through “loving and caring personality” on our list of possible reasons for this insane union.  All of which is leading me to believe Vanessa Vagina with HUGE Crooked Teeth Face  Paradis excretes some manner of intoxicating “makes Johnny Depp take leave of his senses and actually see this thing as beautiful despite the obvious and STRONG evidence to the contrary” from her pores, which appear to be large enough for a small boat to dock in.

What the hell? I think we, as Johnny’s loving fans, need to form a plan of some kind here. I’ll charter a plane, and a group of you go to the house in France, wrap Vagina with HUGE-UGLY- TEETH-WHICH-ARE-EATING-HER-VAGINA,  FACE Vanessa in saran wrap to thwart her pore seeping “No, Johnny, Really, I’m beautiful” love potion Number EWWWWWWWWW, and yell “RUN JOHNNY, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!”

I’ll scoop him up in my massive butterfly net, and air lift him to safety…which, of course, means I’ll take him to the recovery/treatment centre I’m currently in, and hide him discreetly in my bed, and perhaps in one then very joyful part of my body.  Then I shall go about the long and arduous process of deprogramming him, holding him whilst he crys about seeing it naked, and being confused as to why it had three crotches.

Vanessa Vagina with Teeth and Elfin Pointed Ears which prove it’s not human Paradis, will, of course, be donated to science so they can study it’s Johnny Depp Love Potion Number EWWWWWWWWW capabilities, and, of course, the three crotch thing.

 

Advertisements

~ by double2dee on February 8, 2009.

2 Responses to “Vanessa Paradis (Horseface) is TOO Good for Johnny Depp’s Engagement Ring”

  1. HA HA…you’re on a roll, girl! like how you tell OTHERS to get her…NO thanks and i think you’re right the evil witch may have cast a spell on him…or he’s being evil too and wants to torment us with her, lol…i AM a little tormented by your fantasies of him but i guess let i’ll you have him, ha ha…for now. he’s good medicine and you need that right now…good luck and keep writing! you’re very funny…btw PLEASE no more pics of alien witch…kinda spoils the fantasy ya know?

  2. Vanessa paradis is very unattractive I cant stand when they talk about her being beautiful. anyways i agree with everything you wrote about her

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: